Take your relationship for service
In life, anything that gets used (that has utility) needs to be serviced. It needs to be serviced especially to avoid a point where it needs to be fixed. For things that need fixing are broken things. And when things are broken, like your car, they need major major service, new parts and longer work time - and the bill is denting. I wonder then, if relationships, since they do 'serve' a purpose - as in they get used - ever need service. Or whether we wait for a break-down and get reminded that we should have been servicing them all along every so much distance to avoid an expensive and dirty overhaul.
It hit me last morning that relationships, like cars and everything else we use or depend on for our life during our days, need service. And as part of that service, they need energy injected constantly in them to carry on for the next few hundred kilometers before another service.
I was thinking last night about what could make (or already makes) good service for a relationship. I won't claim to get it right. But on recalling my observations from different conversations and go-abouts, I figured the following qualifies, at least, as good service depending on whether the relationship is of lovers or just-friends:
- Going out together. Be it for a walk, eating out, partying, visits and shopping - call it taking out the relationship for a fresh breeze.
- A no-nonesense period, say a week, a month or may be less or longer, depending on where the relationship is. A no-nonesense period could mean that during that period, all the troubles, the baggage, the bad and the ugly (if any) don't show up at the door at all. Only peaceful time gets to dance. Here's a metaphor: When people mourn, they respect that time and keep all the over-excitement and shouts off. In reverse, with a no-nonesense period, all the smiles come out - deliberately. After such a period, you may be so revitalised that there may be no need for going back to square one.
- A nonesense day. All the baggage, as opposed to the no nonesense period, comes out (more like you bring it out). All that which was held inside and hidden and not communicated, has a platform to take the spotlight and shine. Then, as it is about to shine, it gets panelbeated before bed time. No panelbeating, no sleep 'til morning comes. Call it a forced clean sweep - spring cleaning the relationship throghout the four seasons.
- Conspire against monotony. Anything that gets overused in the same way over and over again, bends in a certain direction and takes one dimension. And to bend it back to any other direction, you need to break it. At that point, you may be breaking a once beautifully adored relationship. How about conspiring to break the monotony all the time instead. Otherwise, "I find that we have become boring and I think we need change in our lifes. I've found someone. They make me laugh the way you use to". Ooops! I guess as humans, we are creatures of variety and change, as much as we are of habit.
- Install an external mechanic to the relationship. When all 'shit hits the fan' so hard that egos and personal pride cloud common sense in resolving issues, then take the relationship to the external mechanic who will obviously bring in a fresh and different view on the issue. And from that, things may cool down.
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"Judge of a man by his questions, rather than by his answers." - Voltaire
