Here stands a man, or is’t a coward?

Today as I write this women’s day is seeing the last of the hours in South Africa. I wonder how it’s been celebrated by many. But more so, I wonder if most, particularly men, have sat back to contemplate on their contribution to the life of a woman. Whether this day says ‘acknowledge the need for a woman to express her talents and abilities’. Such a need is a natural need, and not an asking. It’s innate to humanity.

I thought about it a little and asked myself, why can’t each day be a woman’s day? Why can’t each day be a feminine day? I asked myself rhetorically after imagining the reality that, in fact, each day is a man’s day. Not because we carpe diem every time we wake up. No. It’s because the scales of humankind have always favored men. What we do as man, and also what we many a times fail to do, a woman does and often does even better with more care. But nevertheless, on the majority, the female species is going up against the odds. Against a whirlwind of disadvantaging walls invented by men before us and maintained tooth and nail by us each day whether knowingly or unbeknownst to us.

Methinks a man can be summed up by how he treats any other female person. Any man worth his two balls will know that he can’t respect himself enough as a man of worth if he treats a woman as less capable than himself. When a man can say he is a man and boastfully hit his chest to celebrate that, he first got to celebrate the level of his respect for a woman. In a non-patronising way of course. In a meaningful way. Then such is indeed a man.

I’ve been blesseth enough to grow up in a household where love prevailed in abundance. And such love was demonstrated by my father toward my mother. And I grew up witnessing that each day is a woman’s day. At least for my mother as she was (I shouldn’t say fortunate enough, but) 'fortunate' enough to spend such days with my father. And I’m proud to say that the man that is my enterprising father is what he is, every bit, because there’s a woman of strength and brains behind her, my mother.

So if a man shall stand one day and say I’m a man in the most meaningful of terms, I’ll look at how he treats female people in his life. And then if the treatment is queen-worthy, I’ll concur that indeed, here stands a man. Isn’t he a coward when he prejudices those that he has long labeled as a ‘weak’? Isn’t he the weak one he who can’t allow her to start anything on a par of resources? And better yet, won’t this global society that we live in today that lacks the basic of human necessities, love, be a better community when he whow is male can treat better her who is female! That’s not a question. But you can ponder upon it. Oh, and spread the love.

_Email this to a friend by clicking on the 'envelope' below_

Be honest with your heart

'Be honest with your heart.' These words rang in my head for the past two weeks as I journeyed through a tasteless cocktail of emotions of joy, doubt, adrenalin, disappointment, affirmation, self distrust, ability, incapacity, excitement, carbon-copying and finally originality. These emotions made up the introductory journey to writing my book. I had it all right, still have, but to get it right I went from corner to pillar then back to corner, and eventually found the centre of my heart. At which point writing became like second nature as has always been with me.

I'm blissful in mood now because amidst that rollercoastering cocktail, which was just foul and nearly made me throw up, I became honest with my heart. I made peace that I can't write like somebody else. That I mustn't even attempt to write like anyone else. Not a carbon copy Izz, my heart would say to my pop encultured mind. Better be the best first version of yourself than a second version of somebody else, it reminded me. And with that, I made a pact between my heart (the inspiration) and head (the writer) that you shall write as you feel and think. Not as you read and copied.

The morale: well, be honest with your heart. Find your true passion, listen to what your heart says is the big picture, then let the mind, albeit guided by the heart, plot the way through the maze that is life or that project you started. It is much easier that way unlike doing what everyone else around you is doing. Novetly is the way the heart always feels. Carbon copy is always the way of the mind, which is other peoples heart's DNA - so rather let the mind hear out the heart for once, ok, may be twice, even thrice won't hurt.

_Email this to a friend by clicking on the 'envelope' below_

Don't fight your own

The only best people you have are those that your heart chose to attach to. And even more specific, your life partner or your very best of friends. We get pissed off sometimes by people's behaviours and repetitive mistakes, but that all combines to make us what we simply are: human. And to fight our own, to fight those that you hold closest to your heart is not really doing much good, except when our motive is to better things up. But in most cases, we fight to protect our point of view or just to prove another wrong.

I once got caught up in a series of irrelevant fights that were extremely fruitless. And because I was in fight mode, it took me longer to realise that the damage being done didn't justify the fight. That I was eating away at the foundations of something precious, something I could barely be happy without. And it was all because I wanted my personal, individualistic prefereneces to prevail. No, it shouldn't work like that. At least ideally. It should work on a compromise where possible.

Fighting your own is in fact fighting yourself. Because those we love are a reflection of us in so many ways. As varied in characters as we may be, the gist is the same or similar at least. That's why we tick with some people and not at all with others. The distress of fighting your own is not worth the distraction from the nurturing of the relationship and the destruction of the trust and reliance. Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance. Your own people or partner, may in fact be the one running for your rescue when you're in deep waters unable to ride the raging high tide. And then they pull you out.

In short, embrace your own and find ways that are more amicable to deal with the others shortcomings and to manicure some of your narcistic preferrences. After all, you yourself are not perfect, you're just human. Don't fight your own.

_Email this to a friend by clicking on the 'envelope' below_

Tolerance may reduce conflict

Today, people would do anything to defend their own point of view. Their individual opinion. Personal opinions are good because they maintain individuality amongst us, but at the same time they also tend to manage to find a way of dividing us, at which point we start harbouring bad energy against each other. As much as they contribute to diversity, individual opinions, especially if fought for with tooth and nail, can make us feel sidelined if not accepted, or at least acknowledged by others.

There are times when one has to fight for the right of their opinion, and when one has to let it go. At best, let the grey area be the common opinion. We have to learn to allow compromise to prevail, especially in situations where opinions clash with the potential to ignite personal or commune conflicts. What that means is that when engaged in personal or commune fights over whose opinion must go forward, we must teach ourselves to see the line at which the need to be more tolerable and less defensive starts.

In many relationships, it's often the respectable and non-aggressive individual opinions which lead to cracks that may start conflicts. Especially when both parties refuse to be content with tolerance, whilst busy fighting for 'my way' under the disguise of the 'the right way'. In that situation, try pulling back, being less defensive and in fact, tolerable and see what may happen.

The wise are those who accommodate the ideas and views of the others - and those who do not engage in costly personal wars motivated by egos.

Of course, there're times when one has to go over the nile to protect their opinion, even if it meant with their last breath. This situations, in my own 'personal opinion' - which I'm not going to defend - is that they are very rare. At most, when you become less defensive, the other party sees no point in fighting a person who isn't fighting or defending themselves for that matter. Think of the non-arms engagements of Mahtma Gandhi and Dr Martin Luther King Jr., they demonstrated more love and tolerance of their 'enemy' than picking up destructive arms.

How about being known for fighting for your opinion and defending it rarely, meaning other people understand that the only time you fight for it is because you know dead sure your opinion is for the general good of everyone and the only 'known' solution to a problem! I must try that the next time I'm in a deadlock-confrontation.

_Email this to a friend by clicking on the 'envelope' below_