Mikhaela's tragedy

[]WARNING: Some readers may be offended.[]

What was I to be, a girl, a boy?
Was I to be light, dark?
Was my nose to be sharp, hair curly and rich black?

Sob, sob, what do the others conceived in my time look like, like me?
Do they today life and its spoils enjoy?
Was I to play with them?
Was I to give mama and papa joy, pain, joy, pain, perhaps ... continue

Read the rest of the poem on my dedicated poetry blog: Izzonline Poetry

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Be honest with your heart

'Be honest with your heart.' These words rang in my head for the past two weeks as I journeyed through a tasteless cocktail of emotions of joy, doubt, adrenalin, disappointment, affirmation, self distrust, ability, incapacity, excitement, carbon-copying and finally originality. These emotions made up the introductory journey to writing my book. I had it all right, still have, but to get it right I went from corner to pillar then back to corner, and eventually found the centre of my heart. At which point writing became like second nature as has always been with me.

I'm blissful in mood now because amidst that rollercoastering cocktail, which was just foul and nearly made me throw up, I became honest with my heart. I made peace that I can't write like somebody else. That I mustn't even attempt to write like anyone else. Not a carbon copy Izz, my heart would say to my pop encultured mind. Better be the best first version of yourself than a second version of somebody else, it reminded me. And with that, I made a pact between my heart (the inspiration) and head (the writer) that you shall write as you feel and think. Not as you read and copied.

The morale: well, be honest with your heart. Find your true passion, listen to what your heart says is the big picture, then let the mind, albeit guided by the heart, plot the way through the maze that is life or that project you started. It is much easier that way unlike doing what everyone else around you is doing. Novetly is the way the heart always feels. Carbon copy is always the way of the mind, which is other peoples heart's DNA - so rather let the mind hear out the heart for once, ok, may be twice, even thrice won't hurt.

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Don't fight your own

The only best people you have are those that your heart chose to attach to. And even more specific, your life partner or your very best of friends. We get pissed off sometimes by people's behaviours and repetitive mistakes, but that all combines to make us what we simply are: human. And to fight our own, to fight those that you hold closest to your heart is not really doing much good, except when our motive is to better things up. But in most cases, we fight to protect our point of view or just to prove another wrong.

I once got caught up in a series of irrelevant fights that were extremely fruitless. And because I was in fight mode, it took me longer to realise that the damage being done didn't justify the fight. That I was eating away at the foundations of something precious, something I could barely be happy without. And it was all because I wanted my personal, individualistic prefereneces to prevail. No, it shouldn't work like that. At least ideally. It should work on a compromise where possible.

Fighting your own is in fact fighting yourself. Because those we love are a reflection of us in so many ways. As varied in characters as we may be, the gist is the same or similar at least. That's why we tick with some people and not at all with others. The distress of fighting your own is not worth the distraction from the nurturing of the relationship and the destruction of the trust and reliance. Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance. Your own people or partner, may in fact be the one running for your rescue when you're in deep waters unable to ride the raging high tide. And then they pull you out.

In short, embrace your own and find ways that are more amicable to deal with the others shortcomings and to manicure some of your narcistic preferrences. After all, you yourself are not perfect, you're just human. Don't fight your own.

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Beat the path of your heart

As I was completing chapter one of my epic, the protagonist was respected with much adoration and in fact, applauded with tears, when he insisted that nothing is going to stand in his way to 'beating his path'. His heart, like yours and mine, cried endlessly as it longed to be fulfilled by being freed to pursue what it desired. For when we acknowledge and grant our heart's their deepest desires, we grant ourselves freedom and peace. We become happier human beings.

But it's not easy listening to the soft whisper of our hearts amidst the clutter and noise in our heads. Heaped with worry that trickles to our hearts, we fail to develop a sense of hearing the song in our heart - a calling that says, 'beat this path', 'this is your purpose give it your all', 'follow your heart'.

The protagonist in my first chapter, like very few amongst us, was courageous enough to proclaim his hearts desire and back it up with action. He wanted so badly to feel the joy of his heart that his heart told him, 'I've been looking forward to this moment'. In him, ironically, the search was on by his own natural joy to find him. but he was hardened by life's daily sorrows to be able to take a moment and listen, and in fact, answer the call.


He is now a happier man, with even bigger challenges ahead of him, but he is no longer afraid for his heart is leading him, he is following. His mind is learning not to be hasty and faithless, and with that, he journeys forth and runs towards his fears to beat the path of his heart. To walk the isolated path of his heart, but with joy draping his life.

We should - instead of going with the flow that, in fact, is the flow dictated by others in our lives and even worse still, not known to us - follow our hearts and we will surely find the path, lean as it always is, fulfilling.

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Forgiveness purifies your heart to keep more love

Forgiveness, amongst many of us, doesn't make for an easy quality to posses. But what is a good quality if you can't - or better yet - don't want to practice. A trait which when faced with the most difficult of interactions we hold back, brand new in our hearts, without bringing it out to feel the elements? May be most of us do forgive in our days. We forgave that 'miserable' fellow who has done us wrong. But the true test of the depth of our forgiveness quality only truly comes out when those who've hurt us the most ask for our forgiveness or more commonly, their hearts cry out to ours to be caressed again as human hearts, that we give one more chance for love prevail. It's when it's most difficult to forgive that we most need to.

Dr Martin Luther King Jr. said it better: "The ultimate test of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and moments of convenience, but where he stands in moments of challenge and moments of controversy."

Now for you, in moments of challenge, a challenge to forgive when forgiveness is most needed, where do you stand? (And it's most needed when you deny it). I wonder where I'd also stand. Will I stand on the side of my ego? Will I stand on the side of hatred - allowing its acid to consume me one piece of my soul at a time?

It's a very difficult and tricky situation to forgive those who hurt you the most in today's world, especially when you have to forgive them once again, and the third time too. People, including some voice in you, will label you a doormat. But I managed. I forgave at least two people who hurt me repeatedly, and the feeling now: Pure Relief. My heart is relieved of a burden that was pulling and dragging me down each and every day, silently and unbeknownst to me - until a scratched a bit deeper.

Forgiveness, difficult as it was, has had a mutual benefit for I'm definitely a better person now and my heart is a house of love. And hatred, once more, has been denied recognised residence in this heart. It will enter only by invasion and such invasions will also be fought out.

In your heart, and in the most meaningful and genuine of ways, forgive someone - regardless of the events leading to the pain. It will only make you a better person and grow the love in your heart and lessen the acid of hatred in it - something with the potential to consume you.

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Tolerance may reduce conflict

Today, people would do anything to defend their own point of view. Their individual opinion. Personal opinions are good because they maintain individuality amongst us, but at the same time they also tend to manage to find a way of dividing us, at which point we start harbouring bad energy against each other. As much as they contribute to diversity, individual opinions, especially if fought for with tooth and nail, can make us feel sidelined if not accepted, or at least acknowledged by others.

There are times when one has to fight for the right of their opinion, and when one has to let it go. At best, let the grey area be the common opinion. We have to learn to allow compromise to prevail, especially in situations where opinions clash with the potential to ignite personal or commune conflicts. What that means is that when engaged in personal or commune fights over whose opinion must go forward, we must teach ourselves to see the line at which the need to be more tolerable and less defensive starts.

In many relationships, it's often the respectable and non-aggressive individual opinions which lead to cracks that may start conflicts. Especially when both parties refuse to be content with tolerance, whilst busy fighting for 'my way' under the disguise of the 'the right way'. In that situation, try pulling back, being less defensive and in fact, tolerable and see what may happen.

The wise are those who accommodate the ideas and views of the others - and those who do not engage in costly personal wars motivated by egos.

Of course, there're times when one has to go over the nile to protect their opinion, even if it meant with their last breath. This situations, in my own 'personal opinion' - which I'm not going to defend - is that they are very rare. At most, when you become less defensive, the other party sees no point in fighting a person who isn't fighting or defending themselves for that matter. Think of the non-arms engagements of Mahtma Gandhi and Dr Martin Luther King Jr., they demonstrated more love and tolerance of their 'enemy' than picking up destructive arms.

How about being known for fighting for your opinion and defending it rarely, meaning other people understand that the only time you fight for it is because you know dead sure your opinion is for the general good of everyone and the only 'known' solution to a problem! I must try that the next time I'm in a deadlock-confrontation.

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